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PRODUCT
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find–and Keep–Love
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Price:
Original price was: $17.00.$12.24Current price is: $12.24.
Detailed description:
“Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.”
—The New York Times
—The New York Times
We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.
Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
• Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.
• Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
• Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
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Categories: Science Fiction & Fantasy
Product name:
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find–and Keep–Love
Price:
Original price was: $17.00.$12.24Current price is: $12.24.
Cara Harvey –
Very insightful, learning a lot about myself. It has spaces in the book for you to do exercises that help you learn about your attachment style as well.
Brangna –
When you’re ready to let go of old ‘tapes’ and figure out who you want to be now without them, this is a great primer.
You have to do the work (lots of exercises to do) but when you do, you can see positive changes in your behaviors which makes the effort worthwhile
Christopher Malmevik –
I loved this book as it shed light on the attachment styles I never had known or thought of before. The exercises are helping me navigate relationships whether platonic or romantic. I wish it featured a few more LGBTQ examples; there is one. But the styles still apply to all people. This was a good read.
Candice –
I read most of this book in one day. I could see myself in the pages and why I act/react the way I do. Attached, The Body Keeps the Score, The Sexual Healing Journey, and Codependent No More have helped me more on my healing journey than most other books I have read. The others are great and help provide insight but these have been so impactful in helping me create positive changes in my life.
Amber Divinity –
I enjoyed reading this book , it helped me do some self-reflecting. I hope this book helps me create a stronger bond with my lover.
Debbie Pare –
Get your highlighter out! This book will save any relationship you’re in. And it can even help you save yourself! Attachment issues can make or break happiness in our lives in this book explains it all…. I have bought several of these and given them out as gifts to help friends that are suffering from failed relationships and not knowing why. This book has so many of the answers that we need.!!!
LAllen –
The information in this book has been hugely beneficial. Everyone trying to make a relationship work should read it. It’s been quite the eye opener.
Tony N. –
I read and watched a ton of videos on attachment styles, even went thought therapy during my divorce.
I was a total avoidant and had no idea until therapy, worked on myself during my divorce and worked towards being secure. I thought I was grounded in secure but I still have traits of a fearful avoidant now due to my previous marriage and her infidelity.
Again, I didn’t realize thay until now. I with a dismissive avoidant and had to go back refresh on the topic. This book is great because even if I didn’t have professional therapy, I feel it would have still helped me. It is helping me now, giving me tips on how to work on myself and hopefully repair the current situation. It takes one to start the process but both party to make it work.
Maria Fernanda –
Opened my eyes to a new meaning of what a relationship can be in any type (friend, partner, family) and I was all for it
Khaleesi’sHandMaiden –
My psychiatrist pretty much made me order this book even though in my mind I was dead set against, thinking it was going to be a waste of time, perfectly convinced I knew everything about myself and whatever kind of “attached” I was.
Whoa.
Was I wrong.
And I hate to be wrong. Thanks, Dr. D.
General Information: This book is an easy read. It’s not that stuff you need to be a rocket-scientist to figure out – in layman terms it briefs you on the broader different styles of attachment: secure, anxious and avoidant. The book helps you determine what kind of attachment styles you have via reading examples of others attachment styles and there are also some quizzes if you’re still not sure, all of which I found useful. I really liked that the authors presented examples of scenarios of attachment styles and encouraged the reader to read through the scenarios and guess the kind of attachment styles that were presented based on the knowledge we had already been given in the earlier part of the book. I find that a helpful way to learn.
Given that I was not into reading this in the first place – the fact that it was light reading, interesting and at times fun – made me very attuned to what this book had to say. I agree it wasn’t super in-depth but I don’t fault this book for that because if it was super in depth I would have not even read it. My psychiatrist knows what the heck she is talking about and she choose this book for a reason – so I have zero complaints. I think she was even impressed with how much I was able to take away after reading it in one day.
Personal Information:
This book taught me a lot about myself. With women, I have anxious attachments – stemming from an unpredictable childhood. I pretty much tend to gravitate toward any one who acts maternal with me and cling to her. This isn’t necessarily about romantic attachment for me, it spelled out a lot of patterns with all the people I have in my life: from friends, family members, partners and even my doctors.
I had started to notice that I was feeling unsettled in my relationship with my fiance. I was getting annoyed at everything he did. Little things, like the way he chewed. I would get annoyed when he would text me and completely ignore him for hours at a time. Until I read this book, I didn’t realize the problem was me and that with men I have a very avoidant attachment style. I was able to take the criticism to heart without feeling persecuted because the book doesn’t make you feel that way even though avoidants can come off as very very harsh and cruel and indifferent.
I’m now able to communicate more effectively, recognize my own patterns of behavior, identify that I am responsible for my own actions and feelings and now I feel a real sense of control and independence because I have that knowledge. I have that security. I can reciprocate with my fiance now and not be so dismissive of him and I’m able to be a bit more open without feeling that he’s trying to stop me from being my own person or that he’s suffocating me.
I highly recommend this book. If you want to delve super deep into this attachment thing – some other reviewers mentioned additions and alternatives but I wouldn’t. I am a very learned person, a very intelligent person and I didn’t need anything more in depth than this book to help me to start to recognize patterns that needed to change. I think this book is best served to people who can admit where they are on the attachment continuum. I happen to be at a place in my life now, thanks to my psychiatrist and therapist, where I am able to let my guard down a bit and accept things that are difficult for me to accept.. Maybe even just six months ago I wouldn’t have been ready to admit this. But given my ability to be ready and my desire to make things right in my life now that I have a child – I didn’t need a guide book to tell me how to figure out the things I needed to do to fix the areas that needed work in my life regarding my attachment styles.
I disagree with the reviews that claim this book doesn’t offer us any insight as to why we are the way we are and what we can do about it. Several times this book mentions the theories of infant and other kinds of attachments but does say that it’s not the purpose of this book to delve into that. That’s good enough for me. I was able to discern from the minimal but powerful examples they give of the attachment styles of infants to their caregivers to know why I am the way I am and I wrote a whole essay about it to share with my psychiatrist…. thanks to this book.
As for what we can do about it – this was also something I didn’t need a road map for. This is going to sound pretty darn simplistic but maybe that’s just because it is. Kind of just do the opposite of what you’re doing….???? That is how this has been working for me, anyway. But of course, I relied on the examples in the book to help direct my behavior without needing a “HOW TO” direction stamped across the page. You rely on your intuition. You rely on your knowledge. You rely on your empathy and most of all you rely on your willingness to enact change.
The examples in this book were definitely not apples to apples with how I am with my fiance – but it was enough of an eye-opening experience for me to say to myself: “Oh geez….. I do things like this all the time and this is how my fiance must feel. He’s just reacting to my avoidance. If I start to try to be less avoidant and give him a little bit more security by acknowledging him maybe he won’t feel so frustrated or taken advantage of or hurt.”
And that’s what I started to do. I started to recognize the behaviors I have that are avoidant and started to replace them with more healthy behaviors. At first this wasn’t easy. I felt like I was losing a part of myself by giving in to him but then I realized that’s silly and I went back to the book for guidance and reassurance and that’s when I decided to feel more secure and in control. I’m far more independent by making the right, healthy choices for our relationship than I am being a slave to my fear of dependency. I really feel empowered by this and I thank the authors for putting this out there in a way that isn’t complicated but that is so very helpful.
Jole –
L’ho letto in inglese ma esiste anche la versione in italiano. Lo consiglio moltissimo: un libro che va letto anche solo per cultura generale, per spazzare via tantissimi preconcetti che rovinano la vita sentimentale delle persone. Lo metterei come lettura obbligatoria alle superiori.
luciana amaral –
Teoria muito esclarecedora para entender a dinâmica dos relacionamentos e construir meios saudáveis e positivos de se relacionar. Recomendo fortemente a leitura.
paty –
La calidad del papel en la versión impresa del libro deja muchisimo que desear. Realmente parece una fotocopia 🙁